There are ways that many attorneys structure documents that are just begging for a challenge under Amendment One, and there are ways to draft documents properly to get around these potential challenges. Because of the overwhelming number of calls and e-mails we have been getting, we will be holding a few webinars to discuss these important issues and outline the kinds of planning options still open to unmarried partners.

If you are already a trust client of ours, then your documents are just fine but we still invite you to attend the webinar. We also strongly encourage you to forward the webinar information to other partner couples you know in North Carolina, whether they have done estate planning or not. I have reviewed far too many partner legal documents, even those created by other attorneys, that leave room for challenges under Amendment One. You, your friends, and your family should be sure that your documents are the best they can be in this post-Amendment One legal environment. The webinars will be:

Thursday 5/17 at 2 p.m. and 7 p.m.
Wednesday 5/23 at 11 a.m.

Please note that these webinars are not open to other attorneys. I do offer a two day course on domestic partner estate planning for attorneys and other professionals, and other attorneys are welcome to contact my office for more information on these courses.

I hope that you will be able to attend this webinar, and I look forward to helping partners reach their planning goals until Amendment One is repealed and beyond.

I want to first thank everyone who worked so hard to defeat Amendment One. While we came up short in results, we certainly didn’t fall short in results, we certainly didn’t fall short in strategy or effort. Protect All NC Families did an amazing job, and I know The Human Rights Campaign was proud to be a part of the coalition.

And now, what’s next? I have read a lot of Facebook and Twitter posts from distraught equality advocates. I have read other posts with people mad as hell ready to take the next step. And I have also read posts from people suffering from a little post-election despondency wondering how we can move on. What do we do? Here are a few observations:

• The Human Rights Campaign has donated more than $590,000 to fight Amendment One. They need more money. If you want to help, go to HRC.org and donate. If you are willing to donate $100 a month or more, call me and we can discuss HRC’s Federal Club program.
• People may instinctively want to donate money to Protect All NC Families to keep the movement going. My personal advice is to hold off until we hear more from the coalition. Protect All NC Families is an entity that advocates on issues, not candidates, and getting involved in elections is probably the next step.
• The reason this Amendment fight was even necessary is because of the current crop of legislators in the NC House and the NC Senate. If you are in or near a district for a legislator who voted for putting Amendment One on the ballot, consider volunteering for their opponent’s campaign or even the county political party. Those legislators set in motion the events that lead to this travesty, and they deserve to be voted out. You can help do that.
• The Human Rights Campaign also needs volunteers. On Monday, May 14 at Caribou Coffee on Duraleigh. (Click here for more info), the Triangle group will be meeting to discuss what we are doing next and how we can continue to support equality.
• Finally, don’t be discouraged. The steps that need to be taken to reverse this abomination start with getting another constitutional amendment on the ballot, and that has to start with replacing legislators. Keep in mind that a big reason we lost was because of direct action of churches and religious institutions. As tax-exempt charities, they are allowed to influence ballot initiatives. But they could lost their tax-exempt status if they do too much to influence elections of public officials.

When we have a few more days to let the initial post-election let-down wash away and then take a step back, we can begin to see how truly remarkable our accomplishments were. Before this issue, HRC and Equality NC barely spoke. Now we truly count each other as working comrades in a common cause. The number of straight allies who came out to help and support the LGBT community was astounding. And many of us learned how to fight politically for the first time, and we know it won’t be the last.

It’s been said that this isn’t the end but just the beginning. That is very, very true. We will continue to stand up. We will continue to fight. And, eventually, we will win.

The Domestic Partner Planning Guide, a comprehensive collection of resources and educational materials, is now available nationwide at www.partnerplanningguide.com. Attorney, author, and national trust planning consultant Jeffrey G. Marsocci created the guide as an e-book and series of more than 12 hours of audio interviews and presentations made available online.

“Partners have tremendous opportunities to avoid disasters to their family in the event of a crisis by planning ahead,” Mr. Marsocci said. “And this is not just a North Carolina problem, but a nationwide problem, even in marriage equality states. Unfortunately, the LGBT community is largely unaware of the best ways to put in place a great plan, and the planning knowledge of most attorneys is sadly deficient. The Domestic Partner Planning Guide is designed to provide this knowledge to partners so they can be on guard against attorneys who say they are experts but who do nothing more than put together simple wills and powers of attorney.”

Some of Mr. Marsocci’s earlier books were designed to show the different opportunities that domestic partners have to plan ahead, but The Domestic Partner Planning Guide provides more of a framework to prepare partners in making the big decisions, organizing their information, and providing guidance on finding the right attorney the first time.

“The two main goals in writing The Domestic Partner Planning Guide were to provide partners with the tools and information to get organized, and then save them a lot of money by putting together a plan the right way the first time,” Mr. Marsocci said. “Far too often I come across partner couples who paid thousands of dollars to another attorney for an inadequate and, frankly, weak plan, and now they have to pay a lot more money to redo things the way they should have been done the first time. My hope is The Domestic Partner Planning Guide will save partners hours of time, tons of frustration, and hundreds or even thousands of dollars.”

The Domestic Partner Planning Guide is published by Domestic Partner Publishing, LLC, and it is available for purchase online at www.partnerplanningguide.com.

Not just Protect All NC Families. Not just the Human Rights Campaign. Not even just domestic partners and the LGBT community, but the entire state of North Carolina. Businesses will think twice before moving here, or they may take a harder look at offers from other states to relocate. Domestic violence statutes will be thrown into chaos for years. And municipalities wishing to continue to provide partner benefits will no doubt have to defend lawsuits from people who don’t want “their tax dollars” going to “those people.” Worst of all, North Carolina will now be joined in solidarity with other Deep South national reputations for being backwards and bigoted places to live. Twenty years from now when children start growing up in a reality of national gay marriage, they will look back at the people of North Carolina like they do now when talking about racist hold outs in the 1960s demanding to keep separate water fountains and bathrooms for blacks and whites and enforcing bans on interracial marriage.

But where do we go from here? The fight for equality will continue. The coalition of pro-equality groups embodied in Protect All NC Families have shown that they can work together and put large common goals ahead of smaller individual ones. I will continue in my role on the Board of Governors for the Human Rights Campaign, and I will continue to help organize people politically. But for the time being, securing equal rights will be falling into the purview of the lawyers.

Even the legislators who voted to put the measure on the ballot knew the interpretation of their abomination of an amendment would be handled by the courts. Lawyers will now have to fight to limit the reach and scope of the amendment. Lawyers will have to fight the amendment on federal constitutional grounds. And, yes, attorneys will have to retool their legal documents to make sure partner couples can take advantage of those rights still available to them under the law.

In my years of reviewing partner couple documents, I know there are a lot of attorneys who will have to make some major changes. Fortunately for our own clients, this will not be necessary. In an effort to be precise and not rely on references to the term “partner” (which in North Carolina law legally only referred to business dealings), we designed our documents to avoid those references. Further, even in the joining of partners’ property under property agreements the terms were kept to strictly an economic joining of property rather than creating “individual” rights under a contract.

“The Federal Club donors provide a lot of support to the Human Rights Campaign, and we want to make sure that they are recognized and kept informed of issues important to LGBT equality,” Federal Club co-Chair Jeffrey G. Marsocci said. “Not many people realize that HRC already provided a lot of assistance in helping Equality NC fight the anti-marriage amendment even getting on the ballot. HRC national gave Equality NC $100,000, six paid employees, processed thousands of postcards, and made more than 4,600 phone calls and e-mails to stop the amendment from even getting on the ballot. Now that HRC, Equality NC and other groups opposed to Amendment One have come together to form Protect NC Families, HRC has committed to giving another $100,000 to help with those efforts.”

The Federal Club is a recognition program for HRC donors who give between $1,200 and $4,999 annually, and whose contributions are used primarily for HRC’s equality efforts. Because some or all of the Federal Club donations will be used for lobbying efforts, those donations are not tax-deductible. However, HRC donors of $5,000 or more are considered major donors whose donations are tax-deductible and go to HRC’s foundation for educational and other charitable purposes. More information on HRC’s Federal Club Program can be found at http://www.hrc.org/support/hrc-federal-club

In addition to HRC Federal Club members, in attendance was HRC National Federal Club staff person Tedd Lesch, LGBT Center Executive Director James Miller, Protect NC Families Co-Chair Sean Kosofsky, and LGBT Center Chairperson Glen Medders.

A few weeks ago, two partners came to see me to get their documents together. They told me ahead of time that he was experiencing “the first stages” of dimentia. When I met with them, she did all of the talking and he sat, smiled, and nodded amiably. She told me that they had been together for 17 years, that she had been taking care of him for some time, but now that he was starting to slip a little, the family was starting to get a little nosy. More than anything, she was starting to feel a lot of frustration because the bank had made it clear that he had to give them instructions on everything. The doctor had also been contacted by the family and was told that, although she was his partner, that she didn’t have a healthcare power of attorney. Now The doctor was not following her instructions and not giving her information. And he had a reasonable amount of assets, so it may simply be that the kids were looking to protect their father… but then again, it could be to make sure their inheritance was as large as possible. But since he had yet to talk to me, I was starting to get a little worried.

I addressed both of them, told them that we could put together the right documents so she could take care of financial and healthcare matters, but he had to let me know that this is what he wants. He definitely needed a durable general power of attorney and a healthcare power of attorney, and we could explore the possibility of wills or a revocable living trust to provide for inheritance. I had yet to hear from him what HE wanted, so I asked him. The answer stopped everything…

“Well, doctor, my tooth is really hurting, so whatever you can do to make the pain stop…”

It was then that my fears were realized. He was WAY past the first stages; he actually thought I was his dentist.

Unfortunately, there was nothing I could do to help at this point. In order for me to help them create the documents they needed, or more appropriately she needed, he needed to have enough “mental capacity” to direct me to help him. Just the fact that I spent ten minutes outlining some of the basics around e legal documents and he thought I was his dentist meant he lacked that capacity.

She was very gracious when I told her there was nothing I could do. In fact, she might have suspected before she even made the appointment. But the fact is they waited too long.

While I love being able to help partners plan ahead in case a crisis happens, once the crisis is already happening, there may be little we can do. And that’s news I don’t want to give and they don’t want to hear. Knowing the right information can make a world of difference for domestic partners, and that is one of the reasons I put together a free, online North Carolina domestic partner planning system with a recorded interview for download and several e-mails that elaborate on some of the bigger items. To sign up for the system with no obligation to buy anything, please go to:

www.raleighdomesticpartnerplanning.com

You can always unsubscribe, but at least you’ll have good information BEFORE a problem pops up. For non-partners, or for just a more general overview, please go to www.raleightrusts.com for a similar information system.

“Partners have tremendous opportunities to avoid disasters to their family in the event of a crisis by planning ahead,” Mr. Marsocci said. “And this is not just a North Carolina problem, but a nationwide problem, even in marriage equality states. Unfortunately, the LGBT community is largely unaware of the best ways to put in place a great plan, and the planning knowledge of most attorneys is sadly deficient. The Domestic Partner Planning Guide is designed to provide this knowledge to partners so they can be on guard against attorneys who say they are experts but who do nothing more than put together simple wills and powers of attorney.”

Some of Mr. Marsocci’s earlier books were designed to show the different opportunities that domestic partners have to plan ahead, but The Domestic Partner Planning Guide provides more of a framework to prepare partners in making the big decisions, organizing their information, and providing guidance on finding the right attorney the first time.

“The two main goals in writing The Domestic Partner Planning Guide were to provide partners with the tools and information to get organized, and then save them a lot of money by putting together a plan the right way the first time,” Mr. Marsocci said. “Far too often I come across partner couples who paid thousands of dollars to another attorney for an inadequate and, frankly, weak plan, and now they have to pay a lot more money to redo things the way they should have been done the first time. My hope is The Domestic Partner Planning Guide will save partners hours of time, tons of frustration, and hundreds or even thousands of dollars.”

The Domestic Partner Planning Guide is published by Domestic Partner Publishing, LLC, and it is available for purchase online at www.partnerplanningguide.com.

The Federal Club positions is:

“Board of Governors member for The Human Rights Campaign (HRC) based in Raleigh, NC seeks an intern to assist with a major donor fundraising program to further the cause of equality for the LGBT community. Ideal candidate is energetic with strong organizational and detail skills, an outgoing personality, and consistent availability to handle tasks on a weekly and monthly basis. Event planning skills are also a must for 1-2 major fundraising events per year, and familiarity with social media is a plus. Duties include assisting in the creation and execution of an ongoing donor contact program, coordinating with members of the local and national HRC organizations, and occasional newsletter/web article writing, and some general assistant duties from time to time. This is a volunteer position for 5-10 hours per week (sometimes more in the lead up to events, sometimes less during off-event months) with an opportunity to network with movers and shakers in the NC LGBT community and beyond. Resume and any questions to nclawyer@earthlink.net.”

The two political positions are:

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful and committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.–Margaret Mead.

Board of Governors member for The Human Rights Campaign (HRC) based in Raleigh, NC seeks two interns to assist with the political fight to defeat the anti-marriage amendment on the May 8, 2012 ballot. Ideal candidate is energetic with strong organizational and detail skills, an outgoing personality, and a strong desire to fight for LGBT equality. Duties include assisting in the creation of a volunteer recruitment, training, and mobilization strategy; assisting in the management of phone banking and door to door canvassing activities; and duties of note-taking, meeting minutes writing and distribution, and scheduling meetings in conjunction with the member’s business staff. This is a volunteer position for 5-10 hours per week with more time needed during late March, all of April and the first week of May (and must be 100% available on May 8, 2012). This is an incredible opportunity to network with movers and shakers in the LGBT and political communities and to learn from some of the top grassroots organizational people in NC and beyond. Resume and any questions to nclawyer@earthlink.net.”

There should be no second class citizens in North Carolina or in the United States, and this is exactly what the constitutional amendment would enshrine. As much energy and commitment as Mr. Marsocci has for equality, he cannot do it alone and needs help. Please consider volunteering or passing this along to people who may be interested.

“Every two months in 2012, our office will create a trust-based life and estate planning system for a domestic partner or married couple at a greatly reduced rate for new Federal Club members who live in North Carolina,” Mr. Marsocci said. “Normally, my office charges $3,000 to $3,500 for such a complete system, but with the $1,200 donation to the Human Rights Campaign our office will only charge $750. That’s more than $1,000 discount for this type of plan even with the donation to HRC.”

Because of the extensive work involved both for Mr. Marsocci and the rest of the office, only six plans in 2012 will be eligible for this discount. In addition, in signing up for the Federal Club program the clients have to state that the law office and Mr. Marsocci referred them. “This is a time when HRC needs all of the help it can get because it is giving all of the support to North Carolina that it can,” Mr. Marsocci said. “There are already so many committed members of the Federal Club, but we need even more help. Unfortunately, we can’t extend this offer to existing Federal Club members but only new members.”

The Human Rights Campaign is the nation’s most prominent civil rights group advocating for LGBT equality, and Mr. Marsocci is a member of the Board of Governors for HRC. In addition, he represents HRC as a member of the advisory board of Protect NC Families to fight the amendment.

Warning Signs of Unsafe Driving

Driving demands good judgment, quick reaction time and split-second decision making. Because of the progressive nature of Alzheimer’s, a person with the disease will eventually not be able to drive. It is often difficult to decide when to stop or limit driving. To help make this decision, get a driving evaluation from a certified professional. Contact the Alzheimer’s Association for referrals to organizations in your community that can perform these evaluations.

Warning signs of unsafe driving

The following behaviors may be signs that it is time to stop driving:

• Forgetting how to locate familiar places
• Failing to observe traffic signals
• Making slow or poor decisions
• Driving at inappropriate speeds
• Becoming angry and confused while driving
• Hitting curbs
• Using poor lane control
• Making errors at intersections
• Confusing the brake and gas pedals
• Returning from a routine drive later than usual

Tips to limit driving

Losing the independence driving provides can be upsetting and it may
be hard to give up the car keys. If the person with dementia insists on
driving, caregivers, friends or family members may need to take extra steps:

• Encourage law enforcement to issue a citation.
• Ask a doctor to write the person a “do not drive” prescription.
• Control access to the car keys.
• Disable the car by removing the distributor cap or battery.
• Keep the car out of sight. Seeing the car may act as a visual cue to drive.
• Have the person tested by the Department of Motor Vehicles.

It is important to learn about other modes of transportation before it is time to stop driving. Make plans for other modes of transportation, such as rides from family members, friends or community services.